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Manage My Life

How do I motivate my husband to complete my 'honey-do' list?

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Manage My Life
One other comment. For every task we need to do, we tend to picture the prospect of doing it in our thoughts in such a way that makes the PROSPECT OF GETTING STARTED on the task either attractive or unpleasant. A powerful way to get motivated to leap into a task is to note how we feel about the specific task, say, on a scale of 1 to 10; with 1 being we absolutely despise the idea, and 10 being we can barely contain ourselves in our hunger to begin. We have the ability to consciously, purposefully adjust how we see the task in our mind, creating an idea that is very attractive rather than unappealing. Also, we can set the groundwork for the task itself so that we can ENJOY ourselves while getting it done. For instance, if one has to rake leaves in the yard, one can seriously ask one's self how to go about it so that the task is very pleasant to do. Should there be great music playing on headphones? Ice cold lemonade nearby? A recorded audio book going while you work? Try it!
by Manage My Life
October 8th, 2010
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Manage My Life
Since you are interested in how to MOTIVATE him, I think you would do rather well to go straight to the source and communicate your wish that he make headway on the to-do list as a matter of habit, and simply ASK him what would help motivate him to work each project. There's nothing in the world he wouldn't do for you if he felt moved to do so. By proactively finding out WHAT moves him and WHEN it moves him, you can work TOGETHER as a TEAM so that he accomplishes the tasks and you can keep a smile on his face while he gladly gets the job done.

Hope this suggestion helps.
by Manage My Life
October 8th, 2010
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Bruce Kimzey
I think it is very telling that your question has drawn a response from an "expert" handyman. With all due respect to Chris, handymen are people that we pay to take care of a task and then leave. No one expects a handyman to provide, for example, emotional comfort for a customer - HE'S A HANDYMAN. Likewise, "shyspy", you should not expect your husband to act as your captive and free handyman. While you might respond that the things on your list are for both of you, in truth they are things that you want done that your husband doesn't care about. Otherwise he'd be doing them. .
My suggestion is that you, without making any implicit or explicit tie-in regarding your list for him, hand him a page of paper with pre-numbered blanks entitled '[my husband's] Wish List, and invite him to fill in tasks that come to mind. My guess is that your husband, like most husbands, is already content with what their spouse does for them. So my question is "Why aren't you?"
by Bruce Kimzey
June 28th, 2010
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Christopher Pope
I have a problem with my list at times. I like to break it down into smaller lists and cross the projects off as I go. This seems to work better for me than having a long list that seems overwhelming. I have also made lists for my wife, and we work on them together which helps us bond. It can't hurt to bribe him with a new tool he has wanted when the list is complete.
by Christopher Pope
June 14th, 2010
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Manage My Life
Personally, I don't like the idea that a husband, or wife, is like a dog or a kid that needs to be motivated or given a reward to participate in a marriage. I also question the use of a list--does he leave lists of things for you to do? If so, that's fine, but I would resent it if my partner made me a list like I was a kid with chores. You need to explain to your husband that you need his help to get things done around the house. I tell my husband, when I'm not mad about it, that when things don't get done, it stresses me out. Make sure that you're being realistic with your expectations of another person--have your asked for too much, do you complain when he does do things because they aren't up to your standards? People don't feel helpful when we complain about what they do for us--and it certainly doesn't motivate them to do any more. If he won't help just because he's being a jerk, I suggest going to a counselor.
by Manage My Life
June 12th, 2010
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